thus...

neal never ceases to amaze me. he truly is the most unique kid in the world. comes upstairs just now and says "i hit my head in the shower, thus leaving an enormous knot" wtf? how many 8 year olds use the word thus and use it right? i love this kid! who is now downstairs working on his "artistic creations" (drawing).

yeah, what he said!

ok this guy i went to school with posted the blog below - thanks Phil! - and i want to share it with you guys - giving him 100 redit - but because it sooooo put my thoughts into words - i've read it 3 times already this morning and still......

Apparently, it's time to renew the software on my wireless router. Do you wonder why I'm telling you this? Because I just spent over an hour writing my FIRST journal/blog in 4 years. I think it was good. I don't know--that's all relative. Anyway, as I hit 'preview' to view it, the blog preview didn't show up, the router software update page showed up. When I hit back. gone. all of it. I don't have the heart to rewrite it but I'll shoot for a synopsis: Those of you who know me, know that I travel A LOT. I don't travel as much as I used to but I still warm the aisle seat of a Southwest flight 10-12 times a month. Where am I today? I'm in a little town I seem to visit a lot. There's actually nothing here that compels me to visit. It's not exciting, it's not beautiful, it's not even clean most of the time. I'm somewhere between all the things I dreamed of yesterday and the reality of those dreams tomorrow. It's a little town called Complacency...I think it's near Lodi (*wink). Let me try to expalin. When I start working out again, I'm gonna do...When I start writing again, I'm gonna say...When I start singing again...When I start praying again...When I start loving again...When I start breathing again... Have you ever had thoughts like this? I think they grab my attention several times a day. It's like they're all based on the 'when I grow up' mentality. When is that? When do I grow up? I'm living like I'm still in college limbo..."well, I can't move on until I graduate so I'll stay right here". Problem is, I didn't stay. I moved on and I never graduated. I chased a dream, I travelled, I toured, I got married. I cherish every step I took. (My life is beautiful) Funny thing is, I've seen people I love walk across the podium and collect their diploma and they're the same on the other side--no miraculous 'growing up' happend from one set of stairs to the other. So why am I still in this world, this purgatory. I feel like I'm still in a transition place to hold me over until I reach "it". My life's moving on but my dreams aren't keeping up. My dreams to love better, to pray more, to write again, to sing a little, to build a garage, to finish the fence, pond, planter, bonus room, etc. I sit here and think, "when I..." What's wrong with NOW? Why is it "when" instead of now? Africa was good for me, for us. It was a whole month of no cell phone, no on-demand email, not much television. Just me, my wife and our beautiful friends. I was able to rest mentally, spiritually, emotionally and I came back refreshed. But I've already been drawn by the magnet of "...a little town called..." and it's scaring me. I don't want to be where I was before. I want to move on and complete some of those "when I" chapters in my life. We spoke yesterday of those times when you don't want to make yourself exercise. But, when you actually become active, even part of the day, you have so much more energy to attack life. You put off praying and studying but when you actually take the time, your spirit feels refreshed and charged. Somehow, though, the energy, the charge doesn't always encourage you to continue and you fall in a slump again where you're so far detached from the good feelings of a little work that you stay in the town of Complacency and say, "when I..." as if tomorrow may be any different. Does this make any sense? I'm so tired of looking around and thinking of who I'd LOVE to be but I never seem to go for it with any zeal. I think, "when I grow up, I'm gonna be that, or do that or try that" but the point is, I am grown up and I'm continuing to grow. I'm in control of the speed at which I grow. It's not some stroll across a podium for a diploma, it's not having a child, it's not hitting 30 or 40 or 50, it's not signing on your first mortgage. It's now. I'm growing up now, if I let myself. It's almost always easier to hit the 'on' button for your xbox and sit on the couch? It's easier to glide through to your computer and check your mail. It's easier to watch discovery channel and dream of tomorrow than to grow up today. Last week I heard the K9s for the first time in a long time. It was slightly emotional and, if "emotions are the voice of the heart", I felt my heart come alive a little. I've gotta keep giving it gas before it sputters out again. I guess my point is that I'm calling for a coup. The government of this little town needs to be overthrown. Better yet, we need to escape. If you can distract the guards with your hottie grown up legs, I'll take 'em out! I just want to get out of here. I want my fingers to be caloused from the guitar strings. I want my arms to be tired from swinging a hammer. I want my life in order and ready to move forward into God's unknown. I want my heart to come alive. let's go. "...just one more game of halo2 and I'll be right there..." "...just let me check my email real quick..." "...just let me answer this call..." "...just let me be bitter and jaded..." "...just let me get out of this town..."

I'm in love with a sk8r boi

this is how Neal went to school today. i love this kid! when he got out of the jeep at school he said "you're the coolest mom EVER".

FYI, Just a Friendly Reminder...

Just a friendly reminder, it's that time of the year again. Please raise your big toes and repeat after me: As a member of the Faux Paux Sisterhood, I pledge to follow The Rules when I wear sandals and other open-toe shoes: I promise to always wear sandals that fit. My toes will not hang over and touch the ground, nor will my heels spill over the backs. And the sides and tops of my feet will not pudge out between the straps. I will vow to keep my nails polished and the polish fresh, intact and chip-free. I will not cheat and just touch up my big toe. I will sand down any mounds of skin before they turn hard and yellow. I will shave the hairs off my big toe. I won't wear pantyhose even if my misinformed girlfriend, coworker, mother, sister tells me the toe seam really will stay under my toes if I tuck it there. If a strap breaks, I won't duct-tape, pin, glue or tuck it back in to place hoping it will stay put. I will get my shoe fixed or toss it. No matter how much it hurts. I will not live in corn denial; rather I will lean on my good friend Dr. Scholl's if my feet need him. I will resist the urge to buy jelly shoes at Payless for the low, low price of $4.99 even if my feet are small enough to fit into the kids' sizes. This is out of concern for my safety, and the safety of others. No one can walk properly when standing in a pool of sweat, and I would hate to take someone down with me as I fall and break my ankle. I will take my toe ring off toward the end of the day if my toes swell and begin to look likeVienna sausages. I will be brutally honest with my girlfriend/sister/coworker when she asks me if her feet are too ugly to wear sandals. Someone has to tell her that her toes look like they've been dragged behind her car on the way to work and no sandal in the world is going to make her feet look good. I will promise if I wear flip flops, that I will ensure they actually flip and flop, making the correct noise while walking and I will swear NOT to slide or drag my feet while wearing them. I will promise to go to my local beauty school at least once per season and have a real pedicure (they are about $15 and worth EVERY penny). I say spend another $15.00 and get a even better one. And finally... I will promise to throw away any white/off-white sandals that show signs of wear...nothing is tackier than dirty white sandals... For all our sakes, please don't keep this to yourself - pass it on to other Sisters. May God Bless your Soles as well as your Soul!

Ever Just Want to...

get in your car and drive away. just drive and not look back. disappear. just get lost. no particular destination, just GO.............

My Baby is Three

Zachary turned three on Friday, and I let him pick out his cake. Rach & Wendell came over to share in the festivities. WOW 3 years, seems like just yesterday he was in the NICU all hooked up, so weak, so fragile.



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Random Babble

First, my Jacob turned 4 on Saturday. God love him, he's such a character. We took him to Stone Mtn to see the laser show, which I think he's the only one who really had fun there. Rach, Wendell, and Carrie went with us. At one point it got really quiet after a few fireworks went off and he said "dat scared duh shit outta me". Zach had cotton candy for the first time, which was a hoot, the kid loved it!

Got Neal signed up for baseball. I'm excited, finally intrest in something other than soccer. It'll be a busy summer but it'll be fun!

Let's see what else is new.......oh cute note. Zachary calls his pinky finger his "pigwinky" which is too darn cute!