Breaking Point Reached

today has been a great day...until NOW. maybe it was the heat and my killer headache from said heat. i am trying to get the yard done (cut grass, weed eat/edge, and blow off all the debris from said chores). i've got the front done. i'm hot, exhausted, and my head is pounding. the kids were into everything. took me forever b/c i had to stop every 5 minutes to see what they were into (from tools to water guns to just too close to the truck). so finally i'm done. we can move to the backyard, i can keep an easy eye on them and get it knocked out. hell no. i had to lock the doors to keep them from coming in the house, where i can't see what they are into (knives, water, snack cakes). ok, problem solved. hell NO! i finally gave up with about 1/8 of the yard left to cut, and all the other chores incomplete. i mean i say "don't play in the fountain, it has chemicals that can kill you" said offense was made more than 3 times by jacob and zach. "don't play in the water spicket, i can't afford another $182 water bill b/c you want to be wet" said offense was made more than 3 times by jacob and neal. then i take a water gun, which they are filling in the water spicket i said not to play in and i chunk the water gun over the fence. neal screams as if i've cut off his arm. then jacob screams. all the while zach is playing with the lock on the gate meant to keep them IN. i just broke. i was at a point where i could see a person who was not completely sane hurting their kids. seriously, shaken baby? does that expire at a certain age b/c i could have shook the life out of neal, he's eight for cryin' out loud HE KNOWS BETTER. i could have just pinched their little heads right off i was soooo mad. so rather than doing what in my moment of complete insanity, i wanted to do i just calmly walked into the house (from the garage, remember i locked us out from the back) counting the whole way, unlocked the back door and called them in one by one and sent each to a corner. dared them to even breathe the wrong way, much less remove their bodies from their alotted corner, until i came out. took a cold quick shower to rinse off the grass i was covered in. then i sent each of them to different rooms for solitary confinement. they can play with the toys, but they can NOT come out until their dad gets home. yes, this is a concept that took jacob and zach a second to get. you can play, but don't come out of this room. and here i come to get it all out, find my sense of sanity again, before i head back into the jungle of my kids to do what is still in need of being done. however, for my sake and their safety, i'm going to go down, take a dose of asprin and a tall glass of water, then start dinner, then when chris gets home let them eat while i go out and finish what i started in PEACE!
god give me the patience to be a better mother. to not yell. to not beat the living day lights out of them. and remind me..........OFTEN.......of the good moments with those "my love yous" and "you're the bestest mommie i've ever had" and flowers picked from my very own garden and pictures of me, stick thin of course with a big smile and great hair.