NYE at the ER

started off the day at the ER. lovely way to stare 2007 in the face, huh? zach, our youngest who has a history of asthma, is sick. we thought we had beat it this year, and i guess we have. the last three years we have spent a week plus at Children's Hopital of Atlanta, one Thanksgiving, one Halloween, not fun. anyway, friday night he started with a little cough. saturday it just went down hill, and at 8am this morning we headed to the ER for a O2 check. thanks to the many classes that came with our hospital stays we seem to have taken control before the spiral began, which is awesome and means not in-patient care. he does have a touch of pnemonia (sp), however his O2 is in the 93-97 range which is fine. whew! so for now we're just doing breathing treatments at home, steroids, and some antiB's to keep him OUT of the hospital! (sorry montie, this means we most likely won't make it over tonight, which i HATE).
as for me, tomorrow will be my 6 week mark and only two more weeks until i get to see the belly bean. i think after that i'm going to start getting really excited. chinese calendar and babyman.net say girl, woohoo, they were right with all the boys, so maybe, just maybe, i'll get to buy pink this time around. i feel ok this time around, tired and unsettled when it comes to food, but for the most part, pretty good. i'm feeling pudgy, and wearing my fat pants already, but that's to be expected with #4 i suppose. at least i can hold off on the maternity for a while.
i'm really down about real estate, the market just SUCKS right now and i feel like there's no end in sight. i KNOW there is, but still just feel so under, but hey, that means a major loss on my taxes which is GOOD, lol.
speaking of taxes, i must be the only person in the US who actually looks forward to doing them. i love the numbers game and the whole shabang. i am weird, i know, it's ok, i've come to accept it.
well my phone has just rang for the third time and i've lost my train of thought, so that's all ya get for now.

Santa Claus

we went saturday. we've been going to this same santa for years. LOVE HIM! he always takes his time with the boys and before leaving says he loves them and gives them big ole hugs. zach was just in awe of him, i wish i had video of him telling santa what he wanted. and neal, even though he no longer believes, he went right along with it, either to satisfy me or b/c maybe, just maybe, a little part of him is not ready to fully give up the idea of santa claus.

42 lbs eluded...

only for 15 of them to find their way back. so i have joined bodyplex (anyone else go there???) i am really stoked, not just to be back at the gym again but to have some "me" time. so here's to getting back into shape and hopefully losing those 15, plus some of their friends. and here's to having time to myself 4-5 times a week, zach having some social time with other kids, and that lovely 3 hours a week on friday when i can leave the kids there and leave the facility for a little errand running sans kids!

Back to Reality Check

coming home from a weekend away is always a big reality check. i never took time to be young and free and just be me, i was in too much of a hurry to grow up. this weekend was awesome, they always are, nothing like just hangin' with the girls doing girl stuff, not having to be responsible for kids or the house or dinner or laundry or that 4th over grown kid of mine. we laid in the bed, with no one demanding we get up to get pop tarts for breakfast. we walked around the mall, with no one tapping thier fingers waiting impatiently for us to try on every silly thing we wanted. we swiped lip plumping lip gloss on and giggled about it stinging, without someone rolling their eyes. we ate dinner, without fifty trips to the potty or spilled soda. we stayed out late, without anyone calling a hundred times to find out when we'd be home. we had a few drinks (some of us), without thinking of the calories in each drink. we sang silly songs, without fear of anyone hearing. we said stupid stuff and made memories and inside jokes, which i'm sure will pop into mind here and there to make us smile and remember this weekend. it was heaven.
don't get me wrong, i have a good life. i am blessed. but some days, just some days, i wonder what it would be like to have lived that life. what it would be like to only be responsible for myself. but then, i think about hearing i'm pretty from my husband, and i'm the bestest mom ever from my kids.....and well, suddenly i don't mind being responsible any more.
so i'll have my weekends here and there to just be me, and come back home to be the mommie/wife/realtor life i did choose.....that is until the next trip when i get the chance to "bring sexy back" and laugh hysterically at hearing another girl say "slam it daddy" to me.
and to chelley, the sister i never had, i love you girl, you are a super friend. i'm so lucky to have you in my life! you put up with my crazyness and make me laugh. brooke, darling, you are awesome. i'm so glad you came. now if i ever do talk chris into moving to indy, i will have TWO great friends there, not just one. i hope this will be the first of many trips with us for you!

10 Year High School Reunion

amazing! i loved it! i loved seeing everyone, how much the had or had not changed. finding out what had been going on with everyone over the last 10 years, sharing what i'd been doing. the class officers did a good job, and i am really looking forward to keeping in better touch with so many of you.
warren, you are still a lovable and amazing guy, just a little taller i think! you have such charisma (sp). you're funny, and smart, and you will always be special to me!
kim, you are super! you are how i remember you, witty, and really funny! who knows we may just have to pack it up to the beach and visit you!
jason, oh dear god, you suprised me the most! i just keep hearing myself say "are you sure that's jason b.?????"
tony, still a big teddy bear! can't say you've really changed at all! well you got married and had three kids, but other than that, lol.
melanie & toni, you two are the same ole pot of trouble you always were! i do miss you two, now if only you'd come away from that pool table long enough to chat!
naomi, you are as naturally beautiful as you ever were. as kind, and soft spoken. you did a wonderful job. thank you!
paige, you my dear have only broken out of your shell. still paige, still cute as a button, with a bright smile, and a heart of gold - just not nearly as innocent and naive!
michelle, oh michelle, you will never change. you have to be one of the funniest people i know. with a smile as big as her........personality.
john, john, john..........yeah. k, enough said.
i know i've left some out, but it'll be ok, you'll forgive me, and if not, you'll leave a comment and i can stroke your ego a bit for you later!
photo link below!

http://www.kodakgallery.com/Slideshow.jsp?mode=fromshare&Uc=oqmc03y.2e7k1eqm&Uy=-cdsnxy&Ux=0

Friendly Neighborhood Spiderman

ok not really, found this guy outside our bedroom window while i was painting, i think it's a writing spider, gonna do a little research on him. i HATE spiders but maybe its the glass separating us that keeps me from being too creeped out. and when he saw me, he shook his leg and began to pulsate his web, very cool

8 Bucks to Smoother Mornings

so i read this bright idea in a mag, and boy am i glad i tried it. Eight bucks for a hanging shoe rack, the little cubbie holed one. Has 10 slots. On Sunday I put 5 outfits for Jake and 5 for Neal. Each outfit contains shirt/shorts/undies/socks and N's are the top 5, J's are the bottom five. These kids caught right on! They hop out of bed, pick one of the 5 outfits and dress themselves. then come down for hair and teeth in my bathroom. man, this is a great idea!!!! no more fighting about what to wear!

Breaking Point Reached

today has been a great day...until NOW. maybe it was the heat and my killer headache from said heat. i am trying to get the yard done (cut grass, weed eat/edge, and blow off all the debris from said chores). i've got the front done. i'm hot, exhausted, and my head is pounding. the kids were into everything. took me forever b/c i had to stop every 5 minutes to see what they were into (from tools to water guns to just too close to the truck). so finally i'm done. we can move to the backyard, i can keep an easy eye on them and get it knocked out. hell no. i had to lock the doors to keep them from coming in the house, where i can't see what they are into (knives, water, snack cakes). ok, problem solved. hell NO! i finally gave up with about 1/8 of the yard left to cut, and all the other chores incomplete. i mean i say "don't play in the fountain, it has chemicals that can kill you" said offense was made more than 3 times by jacob and zach. "don't play in the water spicket, i can't afford another $182 water bill b/c you want to be wet" said offense was made more than 3 times by jacob and neal. then i take a water gun, which they are filling in the water spicket i said not to play in and i chunk the water gun over the fence. neal screams as if i've cut off his arm. then jacob screams. all the while zach is playing with the lock on the gate meant to keep them IN. i just broke. i was at a point where i could see a person who was not completely sane hurting their kids. seriously, shaken baby? does that expire at a certain age b/c i could have shook the life out of neal, he's eight for cryin' out loud HE KNOWS BETTER. i could have just pinched their little heads right off i was soooo mad. so rather than doing what in my moment of complete insanity, i wanted to do i just calmly walked into the house (from the garage, remember i locked us out from the back) counting the whole way, unlocked the back door and called them in one by one and sent each to a corner. dared them to even breathe the wrong way, much less remove their bodies from their alotted corner, until i came out. took a cold quick shower to rinse off the grass i was covered in. then i sent each of them to different rooms for solitary confinement. they can play with the toys, but they can NOT come out until their dad gets home. yes, this is a concept that took jacob and zach a second to get. you can play, but don't come out of this room. and here i come to get it all out, find my sense of sanity again, before i head back into the jungle of my kids to do what is still in need of being done. however, for my sake and their safety, i'm going to go down, take a dose of asprin and a tall glass of water, then start dinner, then when chris gets home let them eat while i go out and finish what i started in PEACE!
god give me the patience to be a better mother. to not yell. to not beat the living day lights out of them. and remind me..........OFTEN.......of the good moments with those "my love yous" and "you're the bestest mommie i've ever had" and flowers picked from my very own garden and pictures of me, stick thin of course with a big smile and great hair.

2 Moms, 6 Kids, and LOTS of Poptarts!

my friend chelley and her sweet kids came for a visit this past week. i was certain the chaos would be enough to send us to drinkin' - well ok maybe not since chelley's pregnant - but you get the point. we had the BEST week. it was so much fun having her around here. we are just so in tune, we can sit in silence and be ok with it or blabber on and on about nothing and everything. i love her dearly. we spent our days tending the kids, swimming, going to chuck e cheese, the park, the museum, etc. and at night, after the kids were all tucked in and sound asleep we enjoyed girlie time, we ate sweets and watched lifetime movies. a few nights we went out for dessert and to just loaf around town, then came home for our movies and more junk food. and the chaos, truly, was no more than usual - AMAZING huh? the kids really did get along just great, and i love her kids so much, especially Jillian, poor kid was the only girl in six kids, but she didn't miss a beat. we laughed tons, especially about poptarts since that seemed to be the only thing anyone requested to eat - but we didn't fold, we did feed them veggies once. they just left a few hours ago and i miss them all like crazy already! here are some pics, enjoy!

http://www.kodakgallery.com/Slideshow.jsp?Uc=oqmc03y.8uz8wo4u&Uy=kbl1x4&Upost_signin=Slideshow.jsp%3Fmode%3Dfromshare&Ux=0&mode=fromshare&conn_speed=1

today i'm leaving....

my kids with a 16 year old sitter..... i have to admit, i'm a little nervous. but chris and rachael are both nearby and the teacher next door is home and the cop across the street is home, so hopefully all will be fine. she's super sweet and so far is very responsible. her mom was zach's teacher that he loves so much, Mrs. Patty, from sunshine house. anyway, we'll see. if all goes well i may be supplying her with plenty of school clothes money over the next few weeks. i am going to atlanta to meet with the corporate recruiter for a major georgia broker. i'm skeered.

Big Toes and Skill Saws

Just ask Chris! So as you know we've been busting our ass in the backyard this summer, we're getting close to done and I'm so excited. Anyway, last night I was having a cookout for my little cousin's birthday. Nothing big, but I wanted him to know I remembered his birthday, he's 14, wowsers! Just as they arrived and I was about to put the burgers on the grill, Chris looks up at me from the raised flower bed he's finishing and says "I think we need to go to the hospital". Of course for anyone who knows Chris, one he has the highest pain tolerance of anyone I have ever known, and two, my first instint was "ha ha very funny". Then I realize by the color flushing from his face that he's serious. He cut his big toe straight down the middle from the top to the first joint. NICE. So 3 hours and some stitches later we're home. He'll live and his toe will be fine, but I bet you a dime he never holds a board with his foot again while using a skill saw. The cookout went on without us and went well I suppose. Mom and dad stayed with the boys until we got back home. Poor Jacob was so scared, when we got home he told Chris "I thought you were done." Little guy thought Chris was going to die, not funny, yet some how funny.

oh, what day is it???

i am so lovin' this vacation stuff, i don't even know what day it is any more! yesterday we took neal and nina to six flags. we had a great time and were there from 11am until 9pm. the crowd was not bad, we waited at most 30 minutes in a line. neal rode the mind bender and the scream machine, and the coyote canyon, i was very proud of him. chris and i got to ride golioth (sp), it's pretty cool. but after all these years i still love the mind bender, lol. we were able to everything we wanted and just had a really great day. we took a break in the air conditioning and caught the crystal pistol show and neal and nina got to participate. nina just got pulled onto the steps and kind of sang to but neal got to get on stage and say "Thank God I'm a country boy". We found this humorous b/c he's sooooooooo not a country boy. He did great and they took a pic of him for us, which was the perfect souvenier for this mom. so today we're all pooped and just going to hang out at home. not much time left of vacation, i'm looking forward to nina going home but not to chris going back to work. nina is suppose to be on strattera, an ADHD med, and her mom didn't send it b/c she didn't want nina to not eat while she was here and the med reduces her appetite. let's just say this was a STUPID decision on her mother's part. but we're coping and doing the best we can. chris is trying reallly hard not to lose it with her but has finally started putting his foot down big time with her, at my urging. ok lots to do, little time to do it. catch y'all later taters.

TEN YEARS!

so Friday was our 10 year wedding anniversary. i ran out the night before and found the perfect card for chris. but figured we'd just go to dinner as a gift to ourselves. friday morning he has to run an errand and when he comes home he had made an extra stop, at the jewelry store. let me just say in 10 years he's rarely bought me any jewelry at all, like maybe twice. so he pulls up and calls me over and hands me this.

i was floored. it's beautiful and something i really really wanted but would never buy myself. we had a wonderful building the swingset and just hanging out together with the kids. then that night we left the kids with my parents and had a nice quiet dinner just the two of us. which was wonderful.

Things Kids Say/Do

at the urging of a friend i'm going to try to keep up with some of the funny (or embarassing) things my kids do.
June 16, 2006 - Los Reyes Restaurant
We are eating dinner, the boys, me, Rachael. Just as we're finishing up, Jacob, my 4 year old, stands up in his chair and announces LOUDLY "mommie I farted" as he begins to wave the aroma with his hand. Yes, at that moment I wanted to slide under the table and crawl out.
June 19, 2006 - Our House
Brandy came to pick up Jonas and we were trying to get Zach out of the driveway in his little truck. She says "I'm gonna run you over" and just as natural as can be, he turns to her and flips her off, then gives it the gas and gets out of the way. Just like a man! (FYI, that's the teachings of an older brother.)
June 21, 2006 - Our House
Chris and I are talking and Chris looked outside. There in all his glory was Zach, pants around his ankles pissing in the front yard. Now he went outside JUST TO PISS! He had just been inside with us. Finished, pulled his little pants up and came back in, as if this were common practice. NICE.
June 2006
Zach is into something and I tell him "no". He says to me "You don't say me that!"
November
Zach "can i have a lock zip back for my pa-tard"

Neal is the kewlest

ok neal has been begging to get his ear pierced for about 6 months. i told him at first that we'd discuss it when he was 12. well he kept begging. so about a month ago i said "if dad says you can". so yesterday we asked and he said ok. so today i had to run by the body shop to see misty and she wasn't busy, so in he went. i think it just fits him. i love it. and so does he. but he's in no hurry for any others.

Perfect Weekend

soooooo i was really down friday afternoon, thinking this weekend was going to be another weekend filled with nothing exciting, just me and the kids hanging out at the house. WRONG! sometimes it's good to be wrong. my friend montie came into town from philly and i wanted so badly to see her. the plan was to meet at the local pub but chris didn't act too thrilled. i figured i'd be stuck at home. went and got groceries when he got home, called mom to see if she could watch the kids saturday night so we could go out with some friends, no, she has a 6pm wedding, so not sitter. at this point i was ready to cry, friday night and saturday night both shot down. i get home, and we eat, then chris says "aren't you going to the pub?" i reply "i didn't think you would want me to", and he says "why would i care?" so i headed out about 9:30. saw montie, she is as beautiful and sweet as ever. montie sang at my wedding and we haven't seen each other since (almost 10 years) brandy and lee met up with us and we sat around drinking and laughing. of course i was afraid my mini-van would turn back into a pumpkin so i was home by 11:30, but those two hours out were wonderful and refreshing! the pub was so not my scene, lol, no booty shaking and a lot of yuppies, but it was cool and nice change of scenery. saturday i wake up with the kids around 9, got to sleep in, yeah off to a good start. chris gets up about 10 and says "let's go camping". i didn't hesitate, afraid he'd change his mind, so we packed the necessities and off we went. neal had been once when he was two then last year we went for a night with the scouts. this was the fam-damily, and everyone really seemed to have fun. cooking dinner on the fire, making smores, fishing, swimming in the lake, it was wonderful. got home around 1 on sunday and we all crashed. so yep, this weekend was super-de-duper, no complaints!

http://www.kodakgallery.com/Slideshow.jsp?Uc=oqmc03y.3e96w61u&Uy=jy8p6z&Upost_signin=Slideshow.jsp%3Fmode%3Dfromshare&Ux=0&mode=fromshare&conn_speed=1

Today is...

a perfect hair day and damn if it doesn't look like rain outside!

Summer is Here!

yeah so i know it's really the "FIRST OFFICIAL DAY" since school just got out, but can i just say i have a feeling this is going to be the first summer i've actually enjoyed since the one before my senior year of high school? these past two weeks i have played with the kids in the yard, eaten those silly frozen kool aid popcicles, splashed in the pool so much i got those little concrete blisters on my toes, laid in the sun and felt the heat radiating on my skin, lounged on the back deck in the hammock, eaten dinner outside, done yard work (*gasp*), had field day at neal's school, played in the sprinklers, washed my car (van) in my swimsuit while getting everyone all sudsy and squirted everyone down with the water hose. LIFE IS GOOD! Oh yeah. now granted, it may only be days before i'm ready to pull my hair out with the "he hit me", "he's looking at me", "i'm hungry", "can i go outside", "is it time to go swimming yet", etc etc etc but hey at least i'll be tan, my yard/house work will be done, and my kids will be able to say "I had a blast with my mom this summer". still looking forward to the movies and library on rainy days, some silly arts & crafts, and maybe a nap or two, a trip to six flags, two weeks vacation with chris, the boys, and my stepdaughter, and of course, by august, the first day of school, lmao.

yes, life is good, and summer, well let's just say they had it right in school, work 9 months and play for 3! everyone deserves a summer break, even mommies!

Raising Boyz

I found this on a new friends blog, she as well has 3 boys. AHHHH how true this rings!

Raising Boys The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, TX.... Things I've learned from my Boys (honest and not kidding): 1. A king size water bed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep. 2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite. 3. A 3-year-old boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant. 4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing a Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 X 20-foot room. 5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When ceiling fan is used as a bat, you must throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. Ceiling fans hit a baseball a long way. 6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan. 7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late! 8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke... and lots of it. 9. 80% of men who read this will try mixing Clorox with brake fluid. 10. A six-year-old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year-old man says they can only do it in the movies. 11. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year-old boy. 12. Play Dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence. 13. Super Glue is f-o-r-e-v-e-r. 14. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool, you still can't walk on water. 15. Pool filters do not like Jell-O. 16. VCRs do not eject "PB &J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do. 17. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes. 18. Marbles in gas tanks make a lot of noise when driving. 19. You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is. 20. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens. 21. The Fire Department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time. 22. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy. 23. It does, however, make cats dizzy. 24. Cats throw-up twice their body weight when dizzy. 25. Those who pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without boys do it because: a. For those with no children - this is totally hysterical! b. For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious. c. For those who have children this age, this is not funny. d. For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning. e. For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.

Baseball is Dangerous

So tonight it's baseball game time for Neal. Get there about 25 minutes early and Neal is warming up with two other kids and my dad. Mom and I are sitting back watching and laughing at Jacob and Zach wanting so badly to participate. About 15 minutes into warm up, Neal walks behind the kid swinging the bat. The kid hits full swing as Neal gets to his side and WHACK! Baseball bat to the face. I hear this blood curdling scream, my mom GASP, and Neal hits the ground. It all played out in slow motion. It was horrifying. We both run over and Neal is lying on the ground, face all bloody, screaming. Everyone is surrounding him and dad and I take a closer look. I was literally shaking, and I'm not one to usually react that way, I'm usually pretty calm. My dad scoops him up, I grab my cell, and my mom yells out "I've got the babies" as my dad and I run out of the park. The van seemed so far away. As we're running I call Chris and tell him to meet us at the ER. Too much traffic and a train later (about 10 minutes lol) we get there, and in behind us walks Chris and my parents and the babies. A friend is working the registration and we were back in like 10 minutes, thank God b/c the place was PACKED OUT! 3 xrays and 20 minutes later, he has a broken nose, we knew that. Unfortunately there's nothing they do for that, but luckily there were no fractures to the facial bones, it hit to the left side, so we were worried about his cheek bone and sinus cavity, but thank heavens there was no damage there. We follow up at the end of the week with the ENT. This is his last week of school, hence field day, and he has to take it easy. Oh well, could have been worse, could've done a lot more damage than it did. My poor mom, she was soooo upset. Her stepdad passed away Thursday and we didn't know until today b/c my parents were out of town. So today has been a bit emotional to say the least. It's funny I remember his 4th birthday I cried harder than he did when he crashed on his skateboard and skinned up his face, that perfect little face, I was so worried about a scar, you can hardly even make it out these days. Ahhh if I make it to the boys adulthood, through more broken bones and more stitches and broken hearts, without a nervous breakdown, I'll be surprised.

http://www.kodakgallery.com/Slideshow.jsp?Uc=oqmc03y.97drde8a&Uy=-visjow&Upost_signin=Slideshow.jsp?mode=fromshare&Ux=0&mode=fromshare&conn_speed=1

Be Still My Heart

chris had to work really late last night, it was like 3am when he got in. i was still some what awake. when he came to bed he kissed me. i went to put jake in bed, who had some how wound up in our bed, little booger. and then headed to the potty. anyway, when i made it into the bathroom the shower light was on, which chris never leaves on, so after peeing, i went to turn it off, to find on my vanity the most beautiful bouquet of flowers and a card. the card was goofy but what he wrote was so sweet and words that i so needed to hear from him.

a weekend with the sickies

god if one more person pukes at my house i'll commit myself! zach seemed fine saturday, but jacob was puking. then saturday night i was zach's turn again. then my turn. i spent all day yesterday on the couch watching DVD's, even turned down a chance to go shopping sans kids with rachael, now you know i'm sick if i choose the couch over shopping. i made it into the office today, but i'm definately dragging. this being sick stuff is for the freakin' birds!

8 Years Ago Today

8 years ago today i found out what it was like to love someone more than your own life. to feel as if no matter how hard life got there would always be a reason to live it. 8 years ago today i realized that despite the hate and anger and pain in this ruthless world, there was still love and happiness and bliss. 8 years ago today i stared into the face of my future, the face of my world. i saw my heart outside my body. 8 years ago today i took the most important role i can ever have in my life, i became a mother.

thus...

neal never ceases to amaze me. he truly is the most unique kid in the world. comes upstairs just now and says "i hit my head in the shower, thus leaving an enormous knot" wtf? how many 8 year olds use the word thus and use it right? i love this kid! who is now downstairs working on his "artistic creations" (drawing).

yeah, what he said!

ok this guy i went to school with posted the blog below - thanks Phil! - and i want to share it with you guys - giving him 100 redit - but because it sooooo put my thoughts into words - i've read it 3 times already this morning and still......

Apparently, it's time to renew the software on my wireless router. Do you wonder why I'm telling you this? Because I just spent over an hour writing my FIRST journal/blog in 4 years. I think it was good. I don't know--that's all relative. Anyway, as I hit 'preview' to view it, the blog preview didn't show up, the router software update page showed up. When I hit back. gone. all of it. I don't have the heart to rewrite it but I'll shoot for a synopsis: Those of you who know me, know that I travel A LOT. I don't travel as much as I used to but I still warm the aisle seat of a Southwest flight 10-12 times a month. Where am I today? I'm in a little town I seem to visit a lot. There's actually nothing here that compels me to visit. It's not exciting, it's not beautiful, it's not even clean most of the time. I'm somewhere between all the things I dreamed of yesterday and the reality of those dreams tomorrow. It's a little town called Complacency...I think it's near Lodi (*wink). Let me try to expalin. When I start working out again, I'm gonna do...When I start writing again, I'm gonna say...When I start singing again...When I start praying again...When I start loving again...When I start breathing again... Have you ever had thoughts like this? I think they grab my attention several times a day. It's like they're all based on the 'when I grow up' mentality. When is that? When do I grow up? I'm living like I'm still in college limbo..."well, I can't move on until I graduate so I'll stay right here". Problem is, I didn't stay. I moved on and I never graduated. I chased a dream, I travelled, I toured, I got married. I cherish every step I took. (My life is beautiful) Funny thing is, I've seen people I love walk across the podium and collect their diploma and they're the same on the other side--no miraculous 'growing up' happend from one set of stairs to the other. So why am I still in this world, this purgatory. I feel like I'm still in a transition place to hold me over until I reach "it". My life's moving on but my dreams aren't keeping up. My dreams to love better, to pray more, to write again, to sing a little, to build a garage, to finish the fence, pond, planter, bonus room, etc. I sit here and think, "when I..." What's wrong with NOW? Why is it "when" instead of now? Africa was good for me, for us. It was a whole month of no cell phone, no on-demand email, not much television. Just me, my wife and our beautiful friends. I was able to rest mentally, spiritually, emotionally and I came back refreshed. But I've already been drawn by the magnet of "...a little town called..." and it's scaring me. I don't want to be where I was before. I want to move on and complete some of those "when I" chapters in my life. We spoke yesterday of those times when you don't want to make yourself exercise. But, when you actually become active, even part of the day, you have so much more energy to attack life. You put off praying and studying but when you actually take the time, your spirit feels refreshed and charged. Somehow, though, the energy, the charge doesn't always encourage you to continue and you fall in a slump again where you're so far detached from the good feelings of a little work that you stay in the town of Complacency and say, "when I..." as if tomorrow may be any different. Does this make any sense? I'm so tired of looking around and thinking of who I'd LOVE to be but I never seem to go for it with any zeal. I think, "when I grow up, I'm gonna be that, or do that or try that" but the point is, I am grown up and I'm continuing to grow. I'm in control of the speed at which I grow. It's not some stroll across a podium for a diploma, it's not having a child, it's not hitting 30 or 40 or 50, it's not signing on your first mortgage. It's now. I'm growing up now, if I let myself. It's almost always easier to hit the 'on' button for your xbox and sit on the couch? It's easier to glide through to your computer and check your mail. It's easier to watch discovery channel and dream of tomorrow than to grow up today. Last week I heard the K9s for the first time in a long time. It was slightly emotional and, if "emotions are the voice of the heart", I felt my heart come alive a little. I've gotta keep giving it gas before it sputters out again. I guess my point is that I'm calling for a coup. The government of this little town needs to be overthrown. Better yet, we need to escape. If you can distract the guards with your hottie grown up legs, I'll take 'em out! I just want to get out of here. I want my fingers to be caloused from the guitar strings. I want my arms to be tired from swinging a hammer. I want my life in order and ready to move forward into God's unknown. I want my heart to come alive. let's go. "...just one more game of halo2 and I'll be right there..." "...just let me check my email real quick..." "...just let me answer this call..." "...just let me be bitter and jaded..." "...just let me get out of this town..."

I'm in love with a sk8r boi

this is how Neal went to school today. i love this kid! when he got out of the jeep at school he said "you're the coolest mom EVER".

FYI, Just a Friendly Reminder...

Just a friendly reminder, it's that time of the year again. Please raise your big toes and repeat after me: As a member of the Faux Paux Sisterhood, I pledge to follow The Rules when I wear sandals and other open-toe shoes: I promise to always wear sandals that fit. My toes will not hang over and touch the ground, nor will my heels spill over the backs. And the sides and tops of my feet will not pudge out between the straps. I will vow to keep my nails polished and the polish fresh, intact and chip-free. I will not cheat and just touch up my big toe. I will sand down any mounds of skin before they turn hard and yellow. I will shave the hairs off my big toe. I won't wear pantyhose even if my misinformed girlfriend, coworker, mother, sister tells me the toe seam really will stay under my toes if I tuck it there. If a strap breaks, I won't duct-tape, pin, glue or tuck it back in to place hoping it will stay put. I will get my shoe fixed or toss it. No matter how much it hurts. I will not live in corn denial; rather I will lean on my good friend Dr. Scholl's if my feet need him. I will resist the urge to buy jelly shoes at Payless for the low, low price of $4.99 even if my feet are small enough to fit into the kids' sizes. This is out of concern for my safety, and the safety of others. No one can walk properly when standing in a pool of sweat, and I would hate to take someone down with me as I fall and break my ankle. I will take my toe ring off toward the end of the day if my toes swell and begin to look likeVienna sausages. I will be brutally honest with my girlfriend/sister/coworker when she asks me if her feet are too ugly to wear sandals. Someone has to tell her that her toes look like they've been dragged behind her car on the way to work and no sandal in the world is going to make her feet look good. I will promise if I wear flip flops, that I will ensure they actually flip and flop, making the correct noise while walking and I will swear NOT to slide or drag my feet while wearing them. I will promise to go to my local beauty school at least once per season and have a real pedicure (they are about $15 and worth EVERY penny). I say spend another $15.00 and get a even better one. And finally... I will promise to throw away any white/off-white sandals that show signs of wear...nothing is tackier than dirty white sandals... For all our sakes, please don't keep this to yourself - pass it on to other Sisters. May God Bless your Soles as well as your Soul!

Ever Just Want to...

get in your car and drive away. just drive and not look back. disappear. just get lost. no particular destination, just GO.............

My Baby is Three

Zachary turned three on Friday, and I let him pick out his cake. Rach & Wendell came over to share in the festivities. WOW 3 years, seems like just yesterday he was in the NICU all hooked up, so weak, so fragile.



http://www.kodakgallery.com/Slideshow.jsp?mode=fromshare&Uc=oqmc03y.5i3s3kpe&Uy=x7skmr&Ux=0

Random Babble

First, my Jacob turned 4 on Saturday. God love him, he's such a character. We took him to Stone Mtn to see the laser show, which I think he's the only one who really had fun there. Rach, Wendell, and Carrie went with us. At one point it got really quiet after a few fireworks went off and he said "dat scared duh shit outta me". Zach had cotton candy for the first time, which was a hoot, the kid loved it!

Got Neal signed up for baseball. I'm excited, finally intrest in something other than soccer. It'll be a busy summer but it'll be fun!

Let's see what else is new.......oh cute note. Zachary calls his pinky finger his "pigwinky" which is too darn cute!

Fun, but not what I'd hoped for....

so this past friday - st patty's day - we head out to buckhead. the rest of our "group" is already in altlanta, eating dinner and we plan to just meet up at Makos. get to the club, it's smokin' hot as expected. we go ahead and hit a few shots and i of course have a few long islands. our friends get lost and it takes them 2 hours to find the club. we're way drunk by that point. the whole night i hardly saw C, he was chasing some hot 5' tall barmaid carrying jager shots. yeah i was disappointed b/c i expected for us to spend a little more time heating things up but it was ok b/c i was still have a kick ass time dancing and drinking with the gang. i think if i licked Rachael's boobs once I licked them a thousand times, the shirt i gave her to wear was HOT on her, i may just let her keep it! at some point C drunk dialed my folks, he's such a fucktard, lmao. so as the night goes one, C loses a hundred dollar bill somewhere and spends way too much drinking shots. i don't know what time he told us he needed to go, but we went, despite the fact we were still partying hard. on the way back to the van, he stops to puke in a trash can. Rach and I just plop down on the side walk and laugh at him, W stays close by but not too close. strangers were passing him by and consoling him while we just sat and laughed. finally in the van, we stop more than once to for him to puke before we even leave the lot. then again in some ritzy front yard, and by this point i've got to puke and Rach has to pee. boy it was a sight i'm sure! we finally made it home safe, thanks W, and i stumbled out the van before it was even in park, never so glad to be home, that ride was HELL! i immediately make my way to the shower and just sit there. soon chris joins me, he keeps telling me how great i am and how much he loves me.......i can't even form the words i'm sooooo out of it. i finally find the strength to leave him there and make my way to the bed. out like a light! i was up at 7am, and napped on and off between loads of laundry and other misc chores. C on the otherhand slept until 7pm Saturday night! yeah, next time, i'll just take the girls, he can go out with his guys! without him i spend more time dancing and less drinking = no puking and less money spent!

Perfect Weekend, Not-So-Perfect Ending

so this weekend totally kicked butt. friday night we a nice quiet family night. saturday, trip to stone mtn park, was totally perfect. the kids had the best time. train ride, skylift, big barn, crossroads, 4d theater - money well spent. they even got to pick out whatever they wanted for souveniours (sp). not one time did chris get frustrated with them or the crowds. we just really had a great family day. plan on going back in a few weeks for a picnic dinner and the laser show. stopped off by the father-in-laws on the way home for a visit, then to nana and papaws. just the perfect family day.

sunday, we went to church - no that's not a typo, we went to church, the whole family. came home, ate lunch, and i got to go the tanning bed and target while chris got the kids down for a nap - it was so nice to get out by myself. got back home, got in a little nap, how wonderful that felt. then we all went for a bike ride.

then it's dinner time. i'm going to run to the grocery store for toilet paper and cresent rolls. chris offered more than once to go, but i wanted to go, and off zach and i went. got out of the van and not two parking spaces from my car i stepped on a rock, or just plain stepped wrong, but i twisted my ankle. i just stood in shock, then hopped back to the van. called chris so upset that he tought i'd had a wreck. he came and rescued me and once Ray-Ray and W got to the house to sit with the boys, chris took me to the ER. 3 hours later they say it's a most likely a severe sprain (i'm afraid they're wrong). so the radiologist will review the xrays today and call if he sees anything. in the meantime i think i'll go ahead and make that orthopedic apt, b/c i don't ever remember a sprain feeling like this. anyway, crutches/splint/4 ace bandages later, i'm home, taking it easy, keeping it propped, and all i can think is.....

crap, how am i supposed to dance at makos friday night with a broke foot???

http://www.kodakgallery.com/Slideshow.jsp?mode=fromshare&Uc=oqmc03y.ccq8up9e&Uy=k8wk68&Ux=0

yeah, i did that, so what?!?!

got my hair highlighted thursday, and love it.
friday was an awesome day, adventurous to say the least. got off work a little early and made my bi-weekly trip to the bank with rachael. from there we hit the body shop and misty pierced my tongue! absolutely painless. it's a little sore and swollen but not near what i had anticipated. i love it, i find myself playing with it constantly. so from there we went to long horns for some drinks with peeps from work. then headed to get gas and the kiddies. damn if i didn't run out of gas right on hwy 41! i knew i was low, my thing had read 60 miles and i set my little milage thing. i should have had 40 miles left, i guess it was all that good friday traffic we got in. anyway we waited for chris and wendell to come rescue us. all the while laughing our asses off and dancing to the radio. we actually had a good time. then c & w got there and put in a little gas but it still wouldn't start. guess it was pissed i practically starved it all week. after about 30 minutes, me and rach headed to get the kids - all 3 of them - in a CELICA!!!!!!! yeah that was an adveture in itself! got the kids and got home. the guys got my van to the dealership and suddenly it worked. whew, it was just pissed off and super thirsty.
saturday was fun. grocery shopping and then cooking out, i made some killer ass steaks that i got from the butcher shop, they were PERFECT! then chilled with rach and the kids while c & w worked on chris' truck. he's got a show coming up at the end of the month.
today, got up with the boys and waited eagerly for them to realize the easter bunny had come and they had baskets hidden in various places in the house. they played outside, we dyed eggs, and just chilled. now i'm at the folks for some good eatin' and we'll do an egg hunt when my dad gets home. all the while chris is at home in the bed sick - where he's been the entire day. he has a 102 fever and is puking, yeah, nice.
so that's the weekend in a nutshell!

Ever just feel...

like you're just pluggin' along in life, do what you do because it's what you've always done. boy have i had some heavy thought going on lately and i just feel like i've lost "me" some where along the way. i feel like i do what i have to each day because it's expected. where's the excitement in that? i feel numb in so many areas of my life. there's no passion in anything any more, and i don't mean like sex passion, i mean life's passion. everything is so routine. sometimes i even feel trapped. i have what so many want and yet some how i feel so inadequate. so lost. and like there has to be more than this. like even though i have these great things i've still settled and sold myself short. i was in such a rush to "grow up" and now i wish i had slowed down and just been young for a while, been independent, really figured myself out and who i wanted to be.

Before I was a Mom

My mom sent this to me this morning. Man does it ring true. I love those boys of mine like I never knew possible, like I will never love another living soul. You know I must have led a pretty boring life before them, lol. They sure keep me on my toes. I think the author of that left a few out though, like how embarassed you can be over hearing the work "fucker" come out of their mouth, or how it feels to be sent a note from the teacher b/c your son stole a bracelet on the shcool field trip. How about the fear you have the moment you realize you took your eyes off your child for one second and when you turn around they are gone. The feeling of being stuck in traffic trying to get across town to daycare when your child is sick. Having to watch SpongeBob and finding yourself actually enjoying it. Shopping for Santa presents. Planning the best birthday parties. Oh the joys of motherhood. Some days I want to run away from it all, but I know I'd have to take those guys with me, they are my life.

Before I was a Mom I slept as late as I wanted
and never worried about how late I got into bed. I brushed my hair everyday. Before I was a MomI cleaned my house each day. I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby. I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous. I never thought about immunizations. Before I was a MomI had never been puked on. Pooped on. Spit on. Chewed on. Peed on. I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts. I slept all night. Before I was a Mom I never held down a screaming child so that doctors could do tests. Or give shots.I never looked into teary eyes and cried. I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin. I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep. Before I was a Mom I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put it down. I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt. I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.I never knew that I could love someone so much. I never knew I would love being a Mom.
Before I was a MomI didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body. I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby. I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child. I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy.Before I was a Mom I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay. I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache, the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom. I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much before I was a Mom.

OMG, Minivan Soccer Mom Hair

Well I finally quit complaining about my hair and it's lack of body and style, so I went and got it cut. I like it, it's easy, it's stylish, but I look like a minivan driving soccer mom. I know I am, but still, now I look like one. I look about 35 instead of 28 - which is hard conisdering the fact I'm actually dreading my big 3-0. Oh well, it's hair, who cares. At least I can wear my new shirt which read's "I'm too sexy for my minivan" !

Only 6 More Days

and i'll be on my way to Kentucky. Ahhhhhhh SPA, ahhhhhhhhh no kids, ahhhhhhhhhh no husband, ahhhhhhhh no house to clean, you get the picture.....

this next week cannot go by fast enough for me....

This could only happen to me....

We had a wonderful time at Calloway, everything was so nice.

We arrived, and just lazed around a bit. Our room was a suite, which was a nice surprise. After a few relaxed hours we got ready for dinner, Chris loved my dress, said "your boobs are hanging out". We hopped on the shuttle and headed over for dinner. But of course, being me, I have a story. Dinner was really nice, everything was scrumptious, 5 courses, perfectly timed. The band was nice, of course we only danced once, to Unchained Melody, but hey at least he danced one song, right? While we were at dinner and I had gone to the restroom for the bazillionth time. Pull up my undies and my hose, do a dress check to make sure nothing's tucked in the wrong place. As I do this, my watch clasp pops open and my watch comes off. Where does it land? THE TOILET!!! And so I go to reach for it, despite the fact my pee is in there, and as I reach for it, the freakin' automatic flusher flushes my watch right down the drain. I now HATE those convenient auto-flush potties. So we head to the desk and they call out the engineers to take a look. They close down the bathroom, take the toilet up and try to find my watch...........no luck. It was funny, I mean we had to laugh because what else could we do, 10 years down the toilet just like that. ~*~snap~*~ Ahhh so is the story of my life, lol. Then we headed back to the room and passed out. Sunday morning woke up, then checked out, grabbed some bfast, and headed home to reality. It was a great experience and I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

Puke Fest 2006

Today is day 2 at home with a sick child. Jacob has an ear infection which I wouldn't have known about except he has a STOMACH VIRUS that I took him to the doc for. The kid slept 23.75 out of the last 24 hours, has had maybe two ounces to drink, of which he's yet to keep down.
He woke up this morning seems to have a little color back and I've given him a few ounces of gatorade, if he keeps that down in an hour or so I'll give him his first dose of his antibotics for his ear.
URGH I hate this part of being a mommy, I can't stand to see them sick.
Yesterday I had to buy a new carseat to get Jacob home, he'd puked in his and Zach's. I was planning to buy J a new booster and move Zach into J's 5 pt booster b/c Z lacks 1/2 a lb of being too big for his current seat.....just wasn't planning to do it yesterday.
I have done about 8 loads of just puke laundry, plus my usual, plus all the stuff Chris put to wash when he cleaned out his closet this weekend. I suppose I should just be greatful I've had the "spare" time to do it all.
I have cleaned my carpet in my van 3 times, my couch twice, and the area rug so many I've lost count. Never fails, he misses the trash can sitting right in front of him every time.
Ok no real point to this blog other than to vent.

Where's my Calgon????

Am I the Only Person....

that will NOT be watching the super bowl and would rather poke my eyes out with spoons then sit through it?

Who Knew?!?!

Well as the mother of 3 boys, who tend to really try my last nerve, I have resorted to new discipline methods. Now truly, time out? HA if I can lock them in a room without toys, tv, computers, or games.......maybe. Then again, have you met them? Well let's just say, they can find ways to entertain themselves. Ok so then theres spanking. Ummmmmmm have you ever tried that in the middle of the grocery store? If the sound of the smacks dont have everyone giving you the evil eye, try listening to the blood curdling screams of a 2 year old. Yeah. Then there was the great idea of putting up a wall of Velcro and getting them little fuzzy suits to stick them to it with..some how I think DFCS may not like that one, besides, it wouldn't fit my home decor.
So I have resorted to a form of punishment once used to keep cats off the countertops. Yes my friends it is a spray bottle with water. Now, this idea does owe credit to someone else, the mother-in-law of a friend, alas I wont even go there with yall, there just isnt enough time.
Last night we put this new punishment to the test. Can I just tell you how well it works? So much so Im going to get one of those little travel size spritzers for my purse and a full size for my van.
Hell hath no wrath like a frazzled mother with 3 whiney kids and a water bottle!!!!!